Everyone one has those Damn hot buttons; things that set them off; that trigger reactions in their bodies that seem explosions or implosions. People tend to be afraid of anger because of the destruction, damage, pain, suffering and guilt that goes along with it or follows in its aftermath. When your reactions to the things that cause you anger, stress or dissatisfaction lead to pain or suffering, yours or person else's, then you know it's time to handle your feelings differently!
How do you define anger? What sets your heart pounding, your veins throbbing, your head exploding? What fills your body with thinkable, tension, or ties your stomach in knots? Do any of these symptoms sound or feel familiar? Are you afraid of your anger or person else's? Do you walk nearby on egg shells for fear of setting person off, or are others walking on egg shells for fear of setting you off? either way, it means you are not living with the love and respect for who you are.
Pet Pillow
Anger is energy: Intense, sometimes scary and often overwhelming, but all it is, is energy. Most People are afraid of what this feels like because of past negative messages about anger. Parents often tell children not to be angry, or children grow up receiving the brunt of their parents' anger and were hurt by it emotionally, and/or physically. We carry these negative beliefs within our bodies and minds and react to our feelings of anger in the ways we learned in order to survive in our families of origin. Possibly you grew up in a home where anger was explosive. Maybe your parents yelled, threw things, hit (you or each other) damaged things, etc. You had to learn to survive in that atmosphere. How did you learn to cope? Did you become aggressive or did you become fearful, passive or the peace-maker? Possibly you grew up in a home where anger was more insidious. Maybe love was withheld, or you received messages that you were disapproved of, or a dissatisfaction somehow, or there was silence that was palpable. Most People grew up in homes that were a aggregate of these two extremes. What atmosphere are you living in now? What home are you creating for yourself and for those you love?
Anger is a hot topic (no pun intended). It is a feeling that everyone experiences, yet few People indubitably want to address, talk about or deal with directly. I want you to focus for a moment on what indubitably " makes your blood boil". What makes you "see red"? consideration that both these ask put the "blame" on an external condition or behavior, as if you have no operate over your reactions to circumstances. Often times events that trigger an intense reaction on your part are more linked to your history rather than to the event at hand. Why do you get so utterly incensed at what might otherwise be perceived as a mere wee or oversight? What is it in your history that you are indubitably reacting to? I want you to begin to think about the roots of your reactions, so that you will be in a position to select how you want to rejoinder to something rather than feeling forced or compelled to react to it. The goal, or desired outcome is to feel empowered in situations that cause you stress. Even when People are exploding and they seem so suited and scary, in truth, they are operating from a space that is indubitably weak and powerless. People who seethe internally may appear controlled, and intimidating, but they are indubitably feeling weak and powerless. The People who are indubitably empowered, centered and grounded have no need for violence or demeaning behavior. In your moments of utter frustration, anger and stress, what's indubitably in control: you or your feelings? What is it you are indubitably reacting to? What are your feelings in those moments? What do you indubitably need or want?
Allow yourself to sit and think about the last time you got indubitably angry, frustrated or stressed. How swiftly do you feel your body tense up, and your whole theory move into "red alert"? Stop! Breathe! Focus! What is happening inside you? Where do your feelings resonate most intensely in your body? Just Breathe---and allow yourself to focus on your corporeal feelings. Does your tension sit in your gut; In your head; In your chest; In your throat; In your legs; etc.? Breathe into your feelings. Don'T Do Anything! consideration how hard it is to just sit. Feel the power coursing straight through you. The power is begging for expression: Now You get to settle How to express it! Please remember that if you express this power and you or person else gets hurt (emotionally or physically) you will originate guilt and then the cycle of being out of operate and powerless will be perpetuated.
You have choices! Since anger, stress and dissatisfaction are all variations of the same energy, and it stems from a powerless, helpless and vulnerable space, the desired outcome is to Empower yourself when faced with these feelings. Therefore, selecting empowering expressions of your feelings is what coping with those damn hot buttons is all about. We cannot operate the things that may set us off, but we can operate what we do with our feelings once the trigger has been pulled. Maybe you need to run, take a brisk walk, scream into a pillow, hit a punching bag, vent your feelings with a good friend or advisor until you are ready to chronicle respectfully with whomever you are indubitably angry with, or maybe you need to vacuum, so that not only are you releasing a lot of energy, but you get to talk loudly with no one hearing you. Some People like to yell at the top of their lungs stamp their feet. (Do these in private---the goal is to issue your anger in private, not at or on anything else) Any of these choices are healthy, not harmful to you or anything else, and they all will give you an opportunity to issue your power so that you can Think, and Focus on how you indubitably want to handle a situation in a way that will be loving, respectful and kind for yourself and for whoever else might be involved. When dealing with anger it is imperative to remember Not to attack when the iron is hot, but to wait until that iron has cooled off. Nothing definite or efficient is gained when communicating with hostility, rancor or aggression. The goal is to chronicle with respect; for yourself and those involved.
Breathe gradually and deeply and state out loud and oftentimes throughout the coming days, weeks and months: "My desired outcome is to be safe with my most appealing feelings. I issue and express my feelings in ways that are respectful to myself and those nearby me." Breathe gradually and deeply and allow this to resonate within you.
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